Kona in the Rearview Mirror...and on the Horizon.

Athlete's badge of honor during race week.

I started writing this post back in October but never finished it...just didn't seem important.  After reading it through again I decided to toss it over the fence for the world to see.

Two weeks ago I crossed the finish line at the Ironman World Championships in Kailua-Kona, HI. I assumed it would be the highlight of my season and my triathlon career but it was oddly anti-climactic.  With only 60 days from qualifying to the cannon going off I struggled to reset my body and mind.  I eventually found some focus in those last few weeks before heading off to the big island but it was barely enough to arrive feeling prepared to simply cover the distance. I didn't have any expectations for race day - this was all about taking in the experience of race week and appreciating the fact that I worked so hard to earn the right to be there wearing that athlete wristband.

My goal was to simply enjoy being out there and hopefully not spend all night out on the course.  I figured 10:30-11hrs was realistic and I was on target to be in that range through the first few miles of the run.  By most accounts the conditions were some of the toughest in the past 5 years - swells and current on the swim, wind and heat on the bike, heat on the run.  It's nothing I didn't expect and honestly, it didn't seem too bad through the swim and bike.  The worst part of the swim for me was the battle royale that ensued for at least the first 1/2 mile - beyond anything I've ever experienced - pure combat swimming.  The bike was reasonable but the winds really got angry during the 8 mile climb up to the turn around in Hawi.  The reward was a ripping descent - I averaged over 30mph for 12+ miles - but it was short-lived.  The winds had also picked up on the Queen K and that made it tough going all the way back to transition.  Despite the challenges on both the swim and run I took it relatively easy, sat up lots on the bike, and managed splits in line with what I expected - 1:12 swim and 5:36 bike.

Calm before the storm in Kailua-Kona harbor.

Heading out on the run I felt the fatigue of an already long day start to set in and the reality of a marathon still ahead of me wasn't exactly a welcome thought.  With so much wind on the bike you don't fully appreciate the heat that you are dealing with. Once I was heading down Ali'i Drive on foot I got a firm smack in the face - it was HOT and getting hotter.  I cruised the first few miles at a reasonably comfortable pace and figured even if I end up slowing down a bit I probably wouldn't be much over a 3:30ish marathon. Somewhere in the 6-8 mile range the heat and fatigue was weighing on me.  On top of that I was struggling to find a reason to suffer, even mildly. I always walk every aid station to ensure I get my fluids and nutrition but I don't doddle - typically 5-8 seconds then right back to running - but running was work and it was starting to get tough.  I actually enjoyed walking but not just because it was easier.  When I was walking I could appreciate what was going on around me - this was the Ironman World Championships and I was part of it.  From that point on my walks got longer and it became more difficult to get back to running.  It was 50% physical and 50% psychological.  I still had a long way to go and the Queen K was brutal this time of day.  I alternated walking and running but I really just wanted to walk because I had no reason to run - I had nothing to prove, no pressure, no specific goals except to finish.  The usual motivation to push with whatever I had available just wasn't there.  The only thing that kept me getting back to running was knowing that I'd be done sooner than if I walked the rest of the way.

I ended up dragging myself back to Palani shortly after sunset and with just over a mile left to the finish I was able to drop a gear or two and head down Ali'i towards the finish line at a decent pace.  I don't remember a whole lot about the finish - I was happy to be done but otherwise I felt no emotion, no real sense of accomplishment.  Sure, I finished but I never had any doubts about my ability to simply finish.  My official time was 11:30:34, my slowest IM by nearly 90min, but I don't really care what the results say - at 2 weeks after race day I still haven't bothered to look up my finishing place but I'm sure it's near the end of my age group.  After a couple weeks of reflection on that day I feel very indifferent about the experience.  It's strange but racing Kona wasn't the highlight of my season.  The highlight was actually qualifying and getting a 5th place podium spot as a bonus. I worked hard for that and challenged myself - the accomplishment was rewarding. Kona was the reward and I just wanted to enjoy the experience of being there. I thought that would be enough but there is something that feels unfinished - I didn't give it my best.